Sermons from St Faith's
Relationships
Jackie Parry, 7th September,
2014
When my sons have done something I’m not in
agreement with, or they are angry about something,
I will generally take them to one side and have,
what I would describe as, a “little chat” with
them. Normally, when they are still angry, I
get the response “why are you shouting at
me?” To which I respond, “I’m not shouting
at you, I’m just telling you”, to which they
say…”yeah, that’s the same thing!”
Well, maybe it is, but either way, the issue in
hand still needs to be discussed and hopefully
lessons learnt. I wouldn’t say they always
agree with me, and sometimes, when I listen to
their point of view, I can see things from their
perspective and realise that maybe, on that
occasion, I was over-reacting.
Of course, that’s when things go well……which isn’t
always the case! Relationships, of any kind,
are not easy. They have to be worked at in
order to succeed. However, when things do go
wrong, and it’s dealt with in a reasonable manner,
lessons can be learnt, progress can be made, and
the relationship may even be strengthened and
become more fruitful and loving.
I detest arguments, and I admit that on some
occasions I may have sat on the fence in order to
avoid confrontation. But usually this
doesn’t help in the long run as, invariably, the
situation is not really resolved and bitterness
takes over. And once bitterness takes over,
people are hurt and often it is hard to go back
and heal what may result in being a very deep
wound.
Scripture can sometimes appear to be contradictory
and therefore giving mixed messages. For
example, in Matthew, chapter 5, Jesus tells us to
“turn the other cheek”, and yet in today’s reading
from Matthew 18, we hear that “if someone sins
against you, go and point out the fault”, which is
slightly different to turning the other cheek.
But as we know, that is actually in a different
context to this morning’s message, because Jesus
is trying to deal with something more than a
couple having a disagreement. He is
highlighting concern for his followers who stray
from the fold; because when people stray, they
hurt themselves and their communities, and when it
is Christian leaders who stray, then this causes
even more disruption and upset, and they may
become further away from the values and Kingdom of
God.
One of the highest values in Judaism, and which
was carried over into the early Christian church,
is life in community that embodies God’s love and
will for justice. Every relationship and
situation within the community is to mediate
love. Every relationship and situation is to
embody justice – that is, a community of mutuality
and support in abundance for all.
The quality of community life in the church is
supposed to be a model for the way in which God’s
love and justice make it possible for all people
to live together in harmony.
He wants us to love our neighbour, as He loves us.
Unfortunately we, even as Christians, are merely
human and have our human frailties and weaknesses,
and we probably don’t always live up to be the
best we can. And in so doing, we can
sometimes lose sight of God’s Grace and the
community that God empowers us to be. People
can stray from the path, and people who stray are
often hurt, and hurt others along the way.
So, what is Jesus saying we should do about
this?
On occasion, we are not to turn the other cheek,
but to quietly take them to one side, talk to them
and listen to what they have to say, because God
wants us to try and guide them back onto the right
path.
If this doesn’t work, then ask more people to join
you in the conversation, to get a different
perspective. We have a new saying in work
which is “fresh eyes”. This is where we ask a
colleague to review a situation, to take a fresh
look, because he or she may notice something
different.
This is a useful concept in many ways because,
possibly, you may be the person who has
unknowingly strayed, and fresh eyes, another’s
perspective, could highlight this.
And if this still doesn’t work, then Jesus says
“let such a one be to you as a gentile and a tax
collector”. In other words, don’t associate
with them; cast them out of the community.
Sounds really harsh; after all, doesn’t Jesus tell
us that God forgives all. Shouldn’t we also
forgive? Does casting out of the community
really help?
When my children were younger and misbehaved, I
would often send them to sit on the step in the
hallway, on their own, for five minutes. In
fact, what I was doing was giving us both some
time out. I might have been annoyed at what
they’d done and needed some time to calm down; and
they needed time to reflect, to “think about what
they’d done.”
Often, when removed from a situation, it gives us
time to reflect on it, and sometimes we can see
things more clearly. Jesus may be saying
that by casting a person out of the community, the
negativity would be removed and that person is
given some time to reflect, and hopefully draw
near to God once more.
So, why does Jesus consider it so important to
give advice to his followers on how they should
behave?
Perhaps it wasn’t just that he was aware of the
frailties of human nature, but that he knew the
damage which could be caused to Christian
fellowship, as disputes can hinder the witness of
the Church. Remember, Jesus refuses no one
who is ready to receive pardon, healing and
restoration. The call to accountability is
inevitable and we can’t escape it, both in this
life and on the day of judgement but, while we
have the opportunity in this life, we must not
give up on those who stray from the fold, but make
every effort to guide them back, with the grace
and power of God’s healing love and wisdom.
We do not do this alone, for Jesus says, “Where
two or three are gathered in my name, I am there
among them.” He is not saying that he
is only present when a few are gathered together,
but that He is always present, all of the time,
with each and every one of us.
When we talk to others in God’s name……. He is with
us.
When we gather together in a crowd……. He is with
us.
When we sit alone and pray…… He is with us.
And in His presence, may we be an instrument of
his love and peace, and have the wisdom and
courage to bring His never ending love to those in
need of healing and restoration.
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