'FunnyYou Should Say That!'
On these pages we publish jokes, cartoons and
oddities, with a Christian connection, as well as a few
that aren't religious, but which caught the website manager's
fancy. Apologies are unreservedly offered to any individual or
publication we have not been able to trace and acknowledge or
who would have preferred not to share the joke with a wider
public. Apologies likewise tendered to those who are not amused
by what they read or see, or who may find any item not entirely
politically correct. No apologies to those who feel that a
Church website is no place for such things - we are happy to
believe that God has a sense of humour, otherwise he would not
have created the human race, let alone the people of Saint
Faith's in general and the website manager in particular. It
goes without saying that any perceived bias or incorrect
thinking contained or implied by these various offerings in no
way reflects the views of our church or any of its members...
although many of them share this writer's unreconstructed sense
If you have a joke - or a source of humour - you
would like to share, then please get in touch. Visitors are
more than welcome to share, publish or plagiarise these
Apologies for any missing cartoons.
Click here to access the first hundred offerings, posted from 2005 onwards.
Click here for jokes
posted in 2012 and 2013 (those that haven't disappeared into
cyberspace, that is...)
Click here to
access a collection of curious items (including many non-P.C.
offerings) from various sources
... and here
for a feature reproducing newspaper articles and
comments on more serious topics of interest to the Christian
615 April 11th, 2018
614 April 4th, 2018
613 March 7th, 2018
There was a Scottish tradesman, a painter called Jock, who was very
interested in making a pound where he could, so he often would thin down
paint to make it go a wee bit further.
As it happened, he got away with this for some time, but eventually the
Presbyterian Church decided to do a big restoration job on the roof of one
their biggest churches.
Jock put in a bid, and because his price was so competitive, he got the job.
And so he set to, with a right good will, erecting the trestles and setting
up the planks, and buying the paint and, yes, I am sorry to say, thinning it
down with the turpentine.
Well, Jock was up on the scaffolding, painting away, the job nearly done,
when suddenly there was a horrendous clap of thunder, and the sky opened,
and the rain poured down, washing the thin paint from all over the church
and knocking Jock off the scaffold to land on the lawn, among the
gravestones, surrounded by tell-tale puddles of the thinned and useless
Jock was no fool. He knew this was a judgment from the Almighty, so he got
on his knees and cried: "Oh, God! Forgive me! What should I do?"
And from the thunder, a mighty voice spoke: "Repaint! Repaint and thin no
Thanks to Fiona Whalley for this: an old one but worth repeating
(the joke, not Fiona!)
A vicar of several rural parishes was driving back to his vicarage after a PCC meeting one night. It was very dark and he was feeling tired.
As he rounded a bend on the winding country lane he suddenly saw a cyclist right in front of him. He slammed on the brakes and hauled the steering wheel over to the right. The cyclist was understandably shocked by this sudden threat, as the car missed him by inches. He swerved to the left, hit an embankment and fell off.
The vicar jumped out of the car to check that the cyclist was alright. The cyclist picked himself up, dusted himself down and declared himself to be unhurt. However, it was too dark to properly tell the state of the bike.
The vicar promised to pay for the cost of any damage and gave the cyclist one of his visiting cards, which had his name and phone number on it. When the cyclist got home he looked at the card and was somewhat perturbed when he read,
‘Sorry to have missed you. I will try again tomorrow.’
The Revd Steve Morris, a London priest, warn new
clergy to manage their expectations.
After one of his very first services, a parishioner came up to ask if he wrote his sermons down and if he could have a copy.
He wrote in ‘Christian Today’ that he felt a “flurry of pride” and wondered if the man wanted to keep it for posterity or to go over its message again.
The worshipper replied, “No, Steve. I fell asleep as you started speaking and only woke up when you said ‘Amen’.”
Thanks to David Jones and today's Times Diary
602 August 8th, 2017