'FunnyYou Should Say That!'



 

On these pages we publish  jokes, cartoons and oddities,  with a Christian connection, as well as a few that aren't religious, but which caught the website manager's fancy. Apologies are unreservedly offered to any individual or publication we have not been able to trace and acknowledge or who would have preferred not to share the joke with a wider public. Apologies likewise tendered to those who are not amused by what they read or see, or who may find any item not entirely politically correct. No apologies to those who feel that a Church website is no place for such things - we are happy to believe that God has a sense of humour, otherwise he would not have created the human race, let alone the people of Saint Faith's in general and the website manager in particular. It goes without saying that any perceived bias or incorrect thinking contained or implied by these various offerings in no way reflects the views of our church or any of its members... although many of them share this writer's unreconstructed sense of humour.

If you have a joke - or a source of humour - you would like to share, then please get in touch. Visitors are more than welcome to share, publish or plagiarise these items!

Apologies for any missing cartoons.

Click here to access the first hundred offerings, posted from 2005 onwards.

Click here for jokes posted in 2012 and 2013 (those that haven't disappeared into cyberspace, that is...)

Click here to access a collection of curious items (including many non-P.C. offerings) from various sources

... and here for a  feature reproducing newspaper articles and comments on more serious topics of interest to the Christian community.



586 16th February, 2017
By hook or by Crook





585 February 1st, 2017

For Better, for Worse...

A small boy was attending his first wedding. After the service, his cousin asked him, “How many women can a man marry?”

“Sixteen,” the boy confidently replied. His cousin was amazed that he had an answer so quickly.

“How do you know that?”  he asked.

“Easy,” the small boy said. “All you have to do is add it up, like the vicar said. 4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer.”




584 January 18th, 2017

Needing it like a hole in the head






583 Epiphany, January 6th, 2017
Bethlehem or Bus?





582 Christmas Day 2016
'Chrexit'?



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581 December 14th, 2016
Wreath Lecture

'Never argue with St Faith's Flower Ladies about where to put the Advent Wreath!'

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580 December 11th, 2016
Specsavers
   


Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by St. Peter at the pearly gates.

"In honour of this holy season," St. Peter said, "You must each possess something that
symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven."

The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. "It
represents a candle," he said.

"You may pass through the pearly gates," St. Peter said.

The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them
and said, "They're bells."

St Peter said, "You may pass through the pearly gates."

The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's glasses. St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked,  "And just what do they symbolize?

The man replied, "They're Carol's."

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579 December 2nd, 2016

     Coming! Ready or Not?

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578 November 25th, 2016
Getting really incensed




577  7th November, 2016

More Goat, Vicar?                     



The young couple invited their elderly vicar for Sunday dinner. While they were in the kitchen preparing the meal, the vicar asked their young son what they were having.

‘Goat,’ the little boy replied.

‘Goat?’ replied the startled priest. ‘Are you sure about that?’

‘’Yep,’ said the youngster. ‘I heard Dad say to Mum “Today is just as good as any to have the old goat for dinner:.’

                                                                                


   576 26th October, 2016

                                                                                Shaggy Dog Story


A burglar breaks into a house one night and as he is about to lift the DVD player off the shelf he hears a voice in the dark say 'Jesus is watching you.'

Greatly scared, the burglar freezes and listens intently. After a few minutes when nothing happens he puts the voice down to his imagination and reaches for the DVD player again.

'Jesus is watching you,' says the voice again. In shock the burglar switches on his torch and shines it round the room to find the source of the voice. The beam comes to rest on a parrot in a cage.

'Did you say that? asks the burglar.

'I did,' replies the parrot, 'but I'm only trying to warn you.'

'You warn me?' scoffs the burglar. 'And who are you to warn me?'

'Moses,' replied the parrot.

'Moses! What kind of people call their parrot Moses?'

'The parrot squawked, then said, 'The kind of people who call their rotttweiler Jesus!'

With thanks to Denis Griffiths



575 18th October, 2016

A  Bushy Tale

There were four churches and a synagogue in a small town: a Presbyterian church, a Baptist church, a Methodist church, a Catholic church and a Jewish synagogue. Each place of worship had a problem with squirrels.

The Presbyterian church called a meeting to decide what to do about their squirrels. After much prayer and consideration they determined the squirrels were predestined to be there and they shouldn’t interfere with God’s divine will.

At the Baptist church, the squirrels had taken an interest in the baptistery pool. The deacons met and decided to put a water slide on the baptistery and let the squirrels drown themselves. The squirrels liked the slide and, unfortunately, knew instinctively how to swim, so twice as many squirrels showed up the following week.
 
The Methodist church decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God’s creatures. So they humanely trapped their squirrels and set them free near the Baptist Church. Two weeks later the squirrels were back when the Baptists took down the water slide.
 
The Catholic Church came up with a very creative strategy. They baptised all the squirrels and made them members of the church. Now they only see them at Christmas and Easter.

Not much was heard from the Jewish synagogue. They took one squirrel and circumcised him; they haven’t seen a squirrel since.

With thanks to Brian Williams and Fr Dennis Smith





574 October 4th, 2016
Heavenly Brexit